by Missy Hart aka Infinite Mentality
I want to first and foremost open this letter with my utmost love and respect. I hope this letter finds you in high spirits, if not, I hope this letter lifts them a bit. Beautiful roses, seeds planted in the garden of grief, I feel your pain, I feel your loss, I feel your struggle, a life many cannot relate to, but I’m taking this time to put you up on game of what is waiting for you outside them walls if you strive towards it.
A life worth living is waiting for you outside them walls. Who you’re meant to become is waiting for you outside them walls. Life, is what is waiting for you outside them walls. I’ll keep it straight up with y’all tho’, freedom, growth, and change come at a price. You will need to learn when to take yourself out of situations that will lead you to other situations you don’t want to find yourself in, like getting locked up for example. You’re going to have to build a level of self-discipline and self-respect where you will have to choose your growth over posting it on the block trapping all night with the homies. It all depends on how bad you want to change, how bad do you want to live? How bad do you want to be free to make your own choices and create your own future. Nothing good comes easy but I promise you the hard work is worth it.
I started gangbanging when I was ten-years-old, caught my first case when I was eleven, I did every program San Mateo County had to offer: group homes, camps, juvenile hall equals institutionalization. It wasn’t until I caught an attempted murder charge the day before my eighteenth birthday that I realized I only had so many chances. I saw who was really down for me and who was only down for the moment, feel me. I ended up fighting that case and taking a lesser charge, felony assault with a GBI (great bodily injury), but what stayed with me was the realization that I deserved more, that I deserved better, we all deserve better. The way we grew up/growing up statistically we’re destined to fail but I’m here to tell you that doesn’t have to be your fate, you don’t have to become a statistic.
It all begins with YOU, not what others tell you, not what others try to influence upon you, you and only you are responsible for where you want to be in life. You have the power to create your destiny, how you might ask? It may sound simple but love and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be to survive in the cold streets, forgive yourself for what you needed to do to make it where you are today, most importantly love yourself and love others. Learn to protect your energy by sitting back and observing who deserves your energy and what situations require your attention because not every situation will require your attention and you need to learn to differentiate between the two. Learn to love yourself first and foremost and love yourself enough to move in ways that help you grow not hurt your growth.
Growing up I put so much energy into being the hardest gangsta, having everybody knowing my name all over the Bay Area even if they didn’t meet me personally they fo’ sure knew about me, about my reputation, feel me. In time I learned that all the energy I was putting towards becoming the hardest gangsta, that put me deep into the system, once I learned how to redirect that energy into something positive it all took off for me from there. It’s all about the energy, the effort, the work you put in, where you direct your energy is where you will reap what you sow, feel me.
So I put it towards my education I went back to adult school became the first in my family to earn a high school diploma and after I enrolled in community college and put my effort into educating myself so that I can strive to educate and better my people, the real cause. Since going to college I have won over twenty scholarships earned an AA in psychology and just transferred to the University of California, Santa Cruz on a full scholarship studying psychology and the history of consciousness.
This can be a reality for you too if you strive towards it. Like I said before it all depends on you and the choices you make in life, your choices get you where you want to be or where you don’t want to be depending on how you conduct yourself. I promise you things will get hard you’ll want to throw it all away and take the easy way out so many times but if you like Pac says, “stick your chest out and handle it†you can and will accomplish so many things far beyond what your imagination could think of. Build a support system, learn to ask for help, advocate for yourself, and learn to get up out your comfort zone.
I have traveled around the world, I am about to go study abroad in the Netherlands for five months studying neuroscience and psychology and everything that has happened is because I chose to believe in myself, I chose to do better because I knew better and my actions have shown to inspire my people in the struggle. So many of my love ones have now started to go to school and move in ways that help empower our people in the struggle and it all begins within ourselves when we let our light shine we unconsciously allow others to do the same.
I leave you with these last words: life is what you make it, you can either build your future through your positive actions or lose your future through your negative transgressions. The choice is always yours and yours alone to make, nobody can live your life for you but I promise you if you choose to begin to live your life for the betterment of yourself, your future, and your people you will find yourself creating a destiny, a purpose that is far greater than you could ever imagine. The choice is yours, I believe you will make the right one. Bless.
Much Love and Respect