by Fernando Murillo
My name is Fernando Murillo. I first wrote to The Beat in Alameda County Juvenile Hall as a sixteen-year-old boy. I was an impulsive, zealous young man full of so much self-righteousness. I was upset Michael Kroll and The Beat workshop people showed up during our rec time for a writer’s work shop.
I felt exploited. I felt like some people outside wanted to come to the zoo and see the animals at a safe distance. Something I felt they wouldn’t do in the community. I was so ignorantly misinformed and irrational. I had no idea that this day was going to change my life forever.
I learned I had a gift to write and express myself with words. I began to get lost in the art of storytelling. The responses I was getting encouraged me to continue finding meaningful situations to write about. Little did I know, the life I dreaded to live, which was a life of incarceration — childhood incarceration — became a treasure trove of situations and topics I could write about.
Since that day in 1996, I have survived Pelican Bay, High Desert State Prison. And numerous others. I have gotten married, I have been published in the New York Times Magazine for the work I do in the CMF Hospice end of life care program, I am a mentor in CMF’s youth diversion program, I have graduated from high school and graduated from many vocations.
I have my own office as CMF’s Inmate Advisory Council’s Executive Secretary. I facilitate an anger management class, and currently in a long-term offender program for lifers. I have been proactive in taking charge of my future by working hard now.
On this long journey of incarceration, one of the greatest lessons I have learned is the value of self-examination and the joy of self-discovery. The intimate relationship I have developed with myself has been fulfilling and priceless. I would encourage anyone who reads this to take the time to get to know yourself.
Knowing yourself will enable you to know your purpose as a human being. I noticed that if I didn’t know who I was I would never know where I would be going. Direction is crucial to success as a human being. So, I would encourage anyone who reads this to listen to yourself.
I would like to sincerely thank Michael Kroll and The Beat Within. You guys have encouraged me over the years to challenge myself to express my full potential through writing. I intend to continue to write and express myself to whoever will listen.
I would like to say thank you for accepting my challenge in that Juvenile Hall day room twenty-two years ago. The Beat has made themselves available to children in many juvenile halls in many counties. Thank you.