Well, summer break was about to end and hecka new kids moved to the neighborhood (a lot of dudes) and I found out that the middle school I was going to was going to be turned into 9th grade academy and it was going to be lots new kids.
Our relationship went down hill from there because when I went to the orientation at the 9th grade academy I seen so many fine dudes that were there and they was all my age. What!
So I called Mat later that night and told him I don’t think we can be together anymore. He asked me why. I told him because with school starting back and all these fine dudes around I might cheat on him if we stayed together. He was pissed but later he respected my honesty.
‘Till this day he still don’t know the full truth: that I broke up with him because I already had somebody else on my mind. I lost his number and we stopped talking for awhile. After a while I became miserable because I had no one to talk to about things. Mat actually understood how I felt and actually gave me advice. I had quite a few dudes on me, but I came to find none of them filled the hole Mat left.
So one day after school on my way home, I get a call and I answered it. “Who is this?”
“Girl stop playing, this Mat.”
“Oh, what’s up, what you want?” I asked.
He says “stop talking to me like that. I just gotta tell you something.” –
“What” –
“I miss you so much and I want to be together. I don’t care if you cheat on me. I love you.”
I just sigh not wanting to hear all that.
“Hello?” He says…–
“Yeah, I’m, still here.” I say.
“Well why ain’t you responding?” he asks.
So I tell him “Well I do care if you cheat on me so that’s not going to work”.
“Girl, you not understanding me. I want you and you only.”
I just say, “whatever.”
“So you my baby again?” he asks.
I say “sure.”
He tells me to “not say sure, say Yes!”
“Yes, sure OK, whatever!” I say and hang up.
He calls back and he is buzzin’.
Fast forward a little bit. Now he stays in Hayward. We’ve been off and on and the last time I went to go see him was on his birthday in July. It’s around the middle of November and I start running away for ‘bout three days at a time and going with this dude I met. By this time the dude I was with gave me rides to where ever I needed to go. Once, he was suppose to take me to see Mat but he never did. Later Mat told me he was mad that I never showed up because he went to get us a bottle and cooked romantic dinner and stayed up late waiting for me. (I personally still believe that’s a lie but I still told him sorry for not coming.)
So about the third time I came home after running away, my mom was fed up with me and sent me to go stay with my papa in Hayward the day before Thanksgiving.
My papa worked all day, every day and his wife who just came from India was scared to death of Americans. I was her worse American nightmare. So I spent Thanksgiving alone watching Curious George since the TV only had about 10 channels in the living room. After being at my papa’s house for like two days, I decided to hit Mat up on Facebook since I couldn’t remember his number.
He hit me up and we start hanging out in Hayward. One day I went to go see him in Alameda and ended up staying the night without telling my papa. That’s when I found out my papa didn’t care what I do.
Next thing I know I’m staying with Mat at his friend’s house. It started out coo’. The first thing that went wrong was my mom texting. The phone going loud on him (because she found out I been staying with him) and telling him I was fourteen. He was upset for a while but got over it pretty quick. The next thing went wrong was when we was getting kicked out of all his friends’ houses. I wasn’t sure why at first but later found out he is crazy.
After a while he became abusive. I still remember the firs time he hit me like it was yesterday. We were at his friend’s house when the dude that used to take pics of me, sent a pic of me to my phone. He sent it because he was mad at me. I stopped talking to him and wanted to piss Mat off. It worked So me and Mat started to argue at his friend’s house. So his friend told us we had to leave. Mat still wasn’t about to let it go. So now we walking down the street arguing. He flashes on me, the pic and say “WTF is this!?” I just smile, I thought I looked cute. He was not having it. Next thing I know I see his fist flying straight to my face! I started to stagger backwards away from him, looking at him with tears and fear all over my face.
He started telling me he was sorry but I just turned and started running. He started to chase me for a few blocks before his asthma started to kick in and he was in tears. I didn’t care. I just kept running until I couldn’t no more.
He eventually caught me and told me some lady called the cops. I finally gave up running and went with him to hide in the backyard of his lady’s house that he knew. He tried relentlessly to talk to me. I just sat there quietly trying to deal with what just happened. In that moment, the thought of the person I love hitting me consumed me. But what was worse was thought of what felt like the only person who loved and cared about me being taken away and locked up.
So time is going by and things are going horrible. But I was too blinded by love to notice. I was staying in the streets with my abuser instead of just going back to my papa’s house.
The only time I would stop by my papa’s house would be for money, food and a change of clothes.
We would sleep in cars, on benches in the park and for money I would steal about fifteen fifths at a time and sell them to his friends. We had a lil business going. I’d get the merchandise and he brought the customers. Even though he also sold “D” on the side I was the one that was mainly providing for us. He wasn’t a good salesman.
One day we were leaving my papa’s house and we were at the Portuguese Park. Since he was Portuguese and proud, he thought it was the perfect time to get on one knee and propose.
I said “yes, yes yes” not knowing how seriously he took it. The date was December 10, 2011. So things between us didn’t change, we still always argue and he still would hit me. I would yell at him and scream “Screw you. I’m leaving you.” but now he would throw it in my face that we were engaged and that I can’t just leave him. I
t’s now Christmas time and my papa talked my mom into letting him come with us to visit the family. Everything was great besides the big cut on my eye from when he head-butted me and got us kicked out of Starbucks. Everybody kept asking me what happened. I just lied and said I hit it on something. When me and my cousin was alone she told me she knew I was lying and that she thinks he be hitting me.
Night comes and we go back to Hayward and my papa lets him stay the night. We leave the next day and take the remote control car my mom bought me for Christmas with us. We had so much fun with that thing. Walking with it like how you walk a dog and going behind people honking the horn. They always looked up like they was expecting a bike or something, but get pissed when they seen it was just a toy car. Some people thought it was a funny and laughed.
So we get on BART to go back to Alameda. When we on the BART he asks me am I sure I want to try powder. I say yes. So we go to the Islander in Alameda and he start bussin’ down a eight-ball of some coke. It was my first time ever seeking coke. He makes a couple lines and snort it. Then he calls me over to the table. I go over to him. “Are you sure you want to try this?” he said. I shook my head yeah and sat on his lap. He snorted another line to show me how it was done and handed me the straw and pointed to the smaller line. I snorted it and looked at him. Then he put some on his finger and told me to open my mouth. I opened my mouth and he rubbed it on my gums. After a while he asked me if I felt it. “No.” So I just continued to snort lines. I never felt it that night but I did end up throwing up, probably because I did too much, but hey that was the first Christmas it every snowed for me, LOL.
It’s January and he finally find a payee so he could started getting his SSI. He was horrible at managing money so the money never lasted more than a month, but at least with the money we were able to pay rent to someone that let us rent out a room.
It’s February now and my B-day coming up , My papa took me to Vallejo to spend time with my family. I come back the next day and go to meet him at his uncle’s house in Hayward. I meet so many people in his family they was having a get together. His grandma welcomed me to the family
We went back to the spot we stayed at in Alameda and he bought a lot of coke, weed, pills and Hennessy, We got on and recorded the whole night on his phone. I actually had fun for my b-day.
The next day come and we walk to the park and he told me to wait there and he’s going to be right back. He comes back within 5 minutes and he carrying a bag in his hand. He handed me the bag and told me to look inside. He bought me this zebra purse that was sitting in the window of an antique store that I told him I loved so much. (I love animal print). I also pulled two rings out of the bag. One was shaped like a snake and the other one was shaped like a frog.
The one shaped like frog broke, so he took me back to the store and he asked the old lady if she remembered him. She said “yeah, you just left here not too long ago. Is this your lady who you were buying the purse for?” He said yeah.
She looked at me and told me happy birthday. I started blushing He told her it was my b-day. He asked her if he could switch the ring. She said she would do it since it was my b-day.
The 17th comes and it’s our first anniversary. It’s early in the morning around six. The only reason we were up this early was because he sneaked me into his dad’s house and we had to leave before he got off work.
So we in San Leandro and we decide to go to Safeway to steal a couple of bottles. I get a couple of bottles and leave. He is nowhere to be found, so like a retard I walk back into the store looking for him. I find him buying chips acting like he don’t know me. I leave the store and started walking through the parking lot. he finally walks up to me. There is no way I could have prepared for what was going to happen next. The boys rolled up on us and let him go but took me to the police station. I was suppose to be released to my papa but he was at work in the city and couldn’t come get me. So they took me to Alameda County Juvenile Hall. It was on a Friday so I had to stay until Tuesday since it was a weekend.
-Lexii, Solano, Volume 19.41/42